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Monday, January 14, 2013

That Love that was John


That Love that was John..

I just realized that I am missing John after a little conversation we had last night sa isang event. He still looks handsome and the same... in good shape, those expressive eyes, his mysterious scent and killer smile. But the warmness I used to feel is gone. We were suddenly like strangers. I admit, may kilig parin sa akin when I saw John and I wanted during that night to embrace him after many years of being away from him. His aura was so cold and I was suddenly freezing. Suddenly nagflashback yong mga times na sabay kaming naglalunch at dinner, tapos every morning binibigyan ko sya ng candies and chocolates, tapos kwentuhan about our dreams before we go to work, into our respective departments. I was in News Dept then and he was from The Entertainment division. After work, he would bring me home and sometimes stay late at night sa bahay to have coffee and checking on how my day was.

Sam used to be one of my bestfriends, pero deep inside me, kami na. He is kinda liberated in-terms of outlook in life but not with his actions in public. Ok lang sa kanya na bestfriends kami kahit ganito ako. Kung alam nyo lang how happy I was during those days. I was electrified everyday and was looking forward to the days that we would spend it together. I love him and never was a time na I made fantasies of him. It was just pure affection and special friendship. But it came to a point that we both decided that we had to end the beautiful set-up we had. Ang daming malilisyoso. People were jealous sa closeness namin. Many wanted to be in the situation where I was. Many begged to have those moments I had with John. Palaging kami ang issue. Pinagbubulungan kami at pinag-uusapan pag nakikitang magkasama kami or naglalakad kami together...

Alam ko aabot tlaga yong time na yun na people will judge us. We tried holding on to our friendship, kaso to have peace of mind, He left me. It happened one afternoon. Ang lamig ng panahon, excited pa ako to meet him, Tapos biglang sabi nya, we have to end this. sabi nya, alam nyang wala kaming ginagawang masama but he wanted rumors to stop na by stopping what we had been doing.  I was so sad & helpless, and I cried in front of him.

He just consoled me by saying, you are the only person na ka close ko and I trust here, pero sobrang daming immature dito. Tapos biglang may dumaan at and teasing us... Bwisit tlaga! That even added more reason for him to leave me. Sagot ko nalang, sobrang i respect and love you and i want you to be happy and to have peace of mind, susundin ko ang gusto mo. So I resigned from my job, left him and everything I had.

I miss him and our beautiful memories together. I tried diverting my attention to someone else; pero iba parin si John. Di ko alam na hinahanap hanap ko parin sya until kanina, when I met him again. He was a love that can never be. The love that was John.